Dreams

A few days ago I had some funny dreams. You know those maintainence corridors you exit through after you leave the cinema? Somehow I managed to make my way in there, sneaking past the guard. I wanted to sneak into one of the theaters. Along the way I took cover between the hollows of the wall, then I came across this doors which had a sign above and said 'Maintainence'. Or was it 'Admin'? Ah, I don't know. My shoe laces came off so I hid there. But I didn't expect the door to open! There were these two girls there. I was afraid that they would sound the alarm, so I distracted them by talking to them. The one with glasses was cute, but I think they were not very impressed with my words. I could tell from their tone that they were getting bored. So I decided to leave them and move on. What I didn't expect was that the girl without the glasses came out and handed me a sheet of paper. It had not one telephone number, but two! It was the handphone and house line numbers of the bespectacled girl. How funny! So I was very pleased and all, and so happy that I went the wrong way! I went the way I came in and there was this guard standing there. At this moment a show just ended. So the guard thought I was one of them, and asked me to follow the crowd. The next day I had another dream. I dream that I was fighting with some Malay punks. I was also shot at by police. I bet with this officer that I wouldn't die even if he shot me. So I sat down somewhere, crossed myself and put my hands in prayer. The first two bullets went to my fingers. It felt like needles. The other two shots went to my head, and they felt like needles too. Now guess what? I didn't die!

World Day of the Sick

The following is found on the prayer card for World Day of the Sick, 11 February 2006, Adelaide, Australia.

I Am Here Now

Lord, when I’m feeling so sick and tired lost in a fog, restless and wired oh so alone, chilled to the bone my cries of absence just sink like a stone.

Suddenly strangers and friends heed the call weaving compassion connecting us all. Arms of these angels bring warmth & esteem, their labor of love birthing forth a new dream.

Words become flesh, I know not how. A prayer, a promise, a vow: simply, I Am here now. I Am here now.

Lord, when I ache I can’t contemplate, you know my desire for you is so great. I seek your presence & long for your face, remembering tenderly your warm embrace.

You heard my cry & reached out your hand, leading me back to that great promised land. You opened my eyes, now I could see it was you all along who were pursuing me.

Words become flesh, I know not how. A prayer, a promise, a vow: simply, I Am here now. I Am here now.

Lord, I can cling to the future & past, but with you I can dwell in the present at last. The great I Am whose flames never fade is in you and me; that’s the way we were made.

With nothing to lose, I take off my shoes & choose to be one with the Lord of good news. In sickness & health, no matter to me, we’re brothers and sisters in solidarity.

Words become flesh, I know not how. A prayer, a promise, a vow: simply, I Am here now. I Am here now.

Rod Accardi, Supervisor National Association of Catholic Chaplains

Expresso-way to hell

Goodness. Do not drink an expresso and then drink beer! It really screws your head. On Thursday, I had that expresso at 1900, beer at eight something. And I felt it's effect throughout the night. Worked for me, I had reports to finish anyway. I had dinner with Joshua on Thursday. He flew out a few minutes ago. He's visiting the relatives in Sydney. Dinner was all right, simple food at chomp chomp. The expresso at Coffee Bean was madness. It was like nothing at first, then one hour later there was this terrible headache. It was having 3 bricks on my head. The beer I drank at his place added another brick to my head. Last week I had supper with Adeline at Holland Village. She flew out on Tuesday. She's in Canberra now. I hope that she is well. We were supposed to meet at 2100, but she only came at 2220! Argh! Ah well I spent the time waiting in some open space near the car park. There were some statues with the theme of 'We are Ok!" You know that anti-SARS campaign.. Pity I couldn't get any pictures... I spent some time reflecting on my plans for the future. After thinking for so long, I still don't know what I want. I only managed to plot out possible routes, but no definite ones. I know that I must do what He wants, but how the hell am I supposed to know what He wants? We had coffee at TCC. I tried the French Coffee. It was quite nice, because of the brandy in it! But terribly expensive. Ah well, it's just once in a while...Oh, It was nice talking to her, but all good things come to an end. I walked Adeline to the bus stop and I took a taxi back. Wah lao, luckily I didn't drink the expresso with liquor at TCC, if not I'd probably be sleeping in some void deck in the west! I slept at 4 am last night because of the damned bioprocess and medical micro reports. At least the Expresso kept me awake till then. I came back at around 7 pm. We had to stay in school to finish off the bioprocess report. Bollocks, we drew the graph wrongly, necessitating a complete redraw. Damn it, and you thought graphs were easy... The only easy day was yesterday...

Chinese New Year Debriefing

Hello, Happy Chinese New Year to all. Chinese New Year was great. My family had our reunion dinner on Saturday night. The people present were my Grandfather's F1 progeny (and spouses) and the F2 generation. The F1 consists of my Fatherand my Mother, my Fathers's elder sister and her husband. F2 consists of their kids. The food was great. We had steamboat. Grandmother brought some dishes over, including her trademark ngoh hiang. Well, it was the same like every year. Traditional rituals that we undertake in good faith, traditional foods that we eat.. Then, there was visiting. The ang pao collection was decent. I should try to save most of it and not burn it so quickly. I have a feeling that rainy days are coming. I guess the visiting to the various homes of relatives and friends was all right. Nothing particularly interesting. I should have taken a book along. Last year I read 1984, look back here if you like.. CNY 2005 Haha, it's ironic that I'm listening to communist songs such as the Soviet National Anthem and the Internationale. Nah, I still don't support them even if they have nice music. Communism is a godless system. Ah bollocks, I lost more money than I made last year. I lost about a few dollars at Joshua's house. Crappy hand at Blackjack. Better luck next year!! I was supposed to go out with Pet and the rest of them, but somehow I didn't feel like it. Oh yeah, Pet's 21st birthday was last Thursday. It was a great party. But she was kind of upset with the way things were being done.. ^_^ Typical of her... always striving to gain control of the situation. I guess that's one of the things that make me look upon her as a mother... Come on Pet! Loosen up! It's your birthday... and I'll post pictures soon.. Ah this new year, I actually have people asking me if I have any girlfriends. Kao, I'm still young all right? I was thinking about my previous forays into such relationships. I haven't had much success, but I'm learning from my mistakes. To date I haven't got any targets. And I come to realise that I must wait longer. Perhaps God wants me to focus on more important matters. Like Legion or even CL for instance. It is to my great disappointment that many youths reduce their commitment to church work considerably after getting attached. I've seen it too many times. And the worst part is that we cannot blame them! How can love be wrong when God is love? This is why I'm disgusted by the fact that certain churches try to discourage (subtlely or even overtly) young couples in their CGs. But still, the agape which God offers overpowers any philla or eros. Imagine the committment a young couple puts in. The committment level will definitely be hundredfold for a married couple. Now do you see why priests do not get married? If running a family takes up so much committment, how can one run a family and a parish at the same time? How can one support a family with a shitty allowance? Heck, some don't even get allowance! Anyway back to my point on BGR, I don't think it is a good idea to let it interfere with your work too much. It should complement, not supersede your priorities. So boys and girls, if you cannot maintain it, don't start! About Legion, I'm becoming a bit discouraged. My presidium is going to the dogs. I'm very skeptical about the curia wide recruitment efforts. I don't know if I have the willpower and strength to carry on. No, I must have faith. Dominic said he felt like this when he handed over to us. We must persevere. Regarding CL, Barry has asked me to return to take over the Spiritual Department. I don't know whether to laugh or to be honoured. Damn it Julius, what were you thinking? Back then when you decided to give Joshua and I the sack, even though we did a good job? The God of Ironies help us. Seriously I have lost my zeal for this group. I don't feel like I'm part of it already. I'm even questioning the legality of such a group. I don't want to cause any juniors who are reading this to be cynical like I am, so I'm not going to elaborate. But if you really want to know, you can leave a comment. I wish I could help these youths to learn something constructive instead of letting them treating CL like a playground. It's the change in the culture and mindsets I guess. Generation 'I'. 'I' matter, you don't. Your organisation and regulations can stuff it. Now how the hell am I supposed to challenge this screwed up culture by myself? You think I'm some super priest is it? Listen up, I'm no one's father. And even priests don't have the answers sometimes. Ask your parish priests to do something about the fucked up culture we have in our parishes these days. Though Julius was strict with us, I still thought he was great. I still thought he was all right, even though he demoted us. I owe it to him for being my inspiration to pick up apologetics and to swat off the heretical pests wherever I go. Thank you Julius. We shall catch up some time. In any case, I have to consider carefully on whether I can help Barry out... My Conscience may not allow it. I had rather poor results for the common tests. I'm about to fail another test today. Damn. I have to wake up my ideas soon. After I get some sleep..